Over the last 17 years, we have come to discover that being best friends with your spouse is an art.
One definition of art as found in the Oxford English Dictionary is this: a skill at doing a specified thing, typically one acquired through practice.
Yes! This hits the nail right on the head. Being a best friend to your spouse is a skill, and it only comes to pass through lots and lots of practice. And prayer. And faith. And patience. And love.
One of the ways that we have been able to remain best friends for over 15 years is a very intentional practice of loving one another. Love is something that we had to re-learn once we accepted Christ in our lives. Both of our ideas about love were conditional and very one-sided. But thankfully, in His great mercy, Christ showed both of us another way.
How do we do it?
It is really quite simple. We keep our relationship with Christ first over anything else in our lives. This includes daily prayer, reading of the scriptures, meditation on the word, praise and worship, and doing our very best to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
And then we made a promise to each other that no matter what, we would read at least one scripture and pray together each night before bed.
These simple steps in the beginning of our marriage have led to a loving marriage and friendship that is truly indescribable. While our friendship has morphed into much more dedicated time together in God’s word, what we shared was the perfect place for us to start.
We have gone through several seasons where we spent a year apart due to combat deployments. During these times, we still kept our word about what we just shared above. Even though we were not physically near one another, we prayed with one another over the phone (when able to talk), and via email.
It is only because we have allowed the love of God to saturate our hearts that we have been able to continue to be best friends over the years. We have definitely had our fair share of ups and downs during the course of our marriage, but thankfully because we intentionally put Jesus first and submit to His will each day – we have been able to work through every challenge we’ve ever faced.
Being your spouse’s best friend is a very important part of your marriage. It gives you an advantage over the lies of the enemy because you develop a deep love and trust for one another unlike any other you’ve ever known. You are able to recognize the enemy and his attacks when they occur because you know each other inside out and backwards. You are willing to fight for one another because your friendship mixed with your love runs deeper than any measurement could take. You are able to walk side by side, hand in hand, heart in heart, while serving the King of Kings.
Each of us has a different way we have achieved “best friend” status with our spouse. How you do it isn’t as important as actually doing it. If this is something you struggle with in your marriage, take the time to sit down and talk to your spouse and brainstorm ways that you two can connect on a deeper level of friendship.
We encourage those of you reading this who desire to be best friends with your spouses to seek God as to how He would have you go about it. Make sure you don’t look to another couple for a “model” of how your friendship with your spouse should look – as every marriage is different. You will only find the friendship God desires you to have with your spouse through reading the Bible and prayer.
We can tell you this, it won’t always be easy, but it will certainly be worth the hard work. If your spouse is an unbeliever, never doubt for one second that God won’t soften your spouse’s heart through your love. God’s promises are true and His love knows no bounds.
Michael & Carlie Kercheval