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Leading The Home With Grit or Dependance

Leading Your Home with Dependance

Let me start by saying I am not an eloquent writer.  English was my poorest subject in school and grammar was the worst.  I am a general contractor, which requires math and grit. If this is grammatically correct when you read it, it is because I have a wife who comes along behind me and “cleans things up.” This is exactly what the Lord laid on my heart to write today.

This last July 8th2013, my wife September and I celebrated our 24th year of marriage.  We have weathered many storms together.  God has blessed us with 10 wonderful children, while choosing to take 7 precious babies home early.  This is the year I learned to listen to my wife.  God has given her abilities and perception that I don’t have.  I’ve realized that there have been a number of storms we have endured because I just would not – listen.  There are times as a dad or as a husband, when we think we need to exude control in our home, to our wife, or at work.   We are to show self- control, absolutely, but in our home and to our wives we need to show dependance.

Grit.  I know something about.  I have lived a lot of my life with grit.  Work has been my banner.  It would be safe to say that I had always wanted to “die with my boots on.”  I have worked in every season of weather, while sick, hurt, many late nights, and Saturdays.

My oldest son recently told me that my strongest character trait is a good work ethic.  This was like a punch to my stomach.  He is now 21 and his memory of me is – work.   I’m trying to write through tear filled eyes now.  He didn’t use the words –  Godly, teacher, or prayer warrior.  The hours of working were not all for our income or our needs.  I spent 22 years as a deacon of my church, worship leader and youth leader, with countless hours of working and serving.  I was “filling up my tank,” but not ministering to those closest to me.

Gifts that God gave to me to treasure and disciple.

God has brought us to a better place.  Those were good and fruitful years, but, now I know – They could have been better.

Two things I have learned?

  •  We are dependant.  The more we know and the older we become – the more we realize this fact. May I encourage you?  Young fathers and husbands can learn this early:  Seek God now… for He wants you to find Him. Your children need to know you are seeking Him, that you depend on Him, that you trust Him, and without Him there is only death, destruction and heartache.  Make HIM, and not your pride or your grit – the foundation on which your home is built.
  • We are dependant on our wives.  They complete us and we complete them.  We are to be in the process of oneness.  If they truly are a gift from God (and they are), then it is for our good. Not a trophy, nor a maid, but – a treasure.  We need to guard them, guide them and listen to them.  God created them with the need to be listened to.  It is our job.

People that listen more – learn more.  Do you want to be a blessing to your wife?

Learn to listen and trust her judgment. God didn’t give her to you by mistake.  She will see and hear in ways you cannot. You need her as much as she needs you.


Jesus said that He came not to do his will, but the will of the Father.  He is our example to which we have been called.  (John 6:38)

Surrender and dependance.  I know it now more fully than ever.  I live this daily as a lesson learned the long way around.

Dependance is not weakness.

Will you make this your prayer today?  Are you leading your home with grit or dependance?  

“Father, teaches us to number our days.”  (Psalms 90:12)


Dan McCarthy

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  1. I love this so much… One favor: can you please correct the spelling “dependance” is incorrect:


    Thanks! I want to share this graphic and link, but the spelling is off:-)

    1. Hi Rachel!
      Thanks so much. The word dependance can actually be spelled dependence or dependance. Both spellings are correct. Please feel free to share the image with confidence :).

      Blessings to you,
      Ruth 🙂

  2. Hi Ruth, yes it can, but dependance is the noun form, referring the the person “dependant” all other uses… Like used here are dependence…

    🙂 it is funny that the first paragraph talks about grammar weakness haha! Blessings to you

    1. Thanks Rachel. I did double check it again in a few online dictionaries and they all refer to dependance as a noun that is synonymous with dependence and give the exact definition that dependence does. Dependants would be the noun referring to actual people. Thanks for your input and I am sure that the use of the word is up in the air in different circles. 🙂

  3. I shared this on Facebook. I feel the post is wonderful, and will bless many readers. Even one of my non-Christian friends who read this felt this was a very beautiful piece.

  4. Dan, first of all, I love your “realness” and your heart. I’ve only “known” you for about a year, but I can say, that this is what every parents goes through – finding a balance – God, family, and work.

    Short story: You remind me so much of my own dad, as you have the same name, are probably about the same age, child of the King, and owns his own construction business. As your older son said about you, sadly I would say just about the same thing about my dad, as work has always been his fullfillment and pleasure. I know he loved God, but it isn’t what sticks out to me when I think of him.

    Yet, Dan, as you highlighted in your article, You need to be dependent on God and your wife. I, as a wife, see that I need to be dependent on God and my husband, and leave a legacy for my children. That they don’t remember me not only as a mom who fed them and took care of them, but one who walked with God daily and was a servant of Him!

    Thankfully, as I wrap this up, we can all say that in Christ, there is grace for dads (and moms too), and today, as we all lean on God and walk with Him, may our children and spouses see Christ in us.

    Also, as I have become yours and September’s friend, I see that you have found a balance and truly LOVE your family! It shows in all that you do! I know that this hasn’t been easy for you, yet you are leaving a new legacy, and I want to say THANK YOU for being an example to all other dads out there!

    Thanks for your article, and look forward to reading your next one!

  5. This site is a true blessing. My husband loves getting the email updates. It is the first blog he has ever followed…it is also the first Christian family blog I have come across that is so wonderful not only for moms/wives but husbands/fathers as well. Thank you so very much for the blessing you are to more than you will ever know.

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