Hopes crushed not for the second or even third time but for the fifth time, I cried out to the nurse, “I don’t get it! Why does this keep happening?!”
All blood vials, needle pokes, doctor visits, weigh-ins and vital signs indicated that this time – at twenty weeks along – I should be seeing a beautifully strong heartbeat from my sweet child. Instead, I sullenly and sorrowfully stared at my perfectly healthy baby whose heart had stopped beating for no apparent reason.
Why God? Why does this keep happening? WHY??
I have shared this other side of me on my site The Better Mom and also recently when speaking at a conference. One conversation sticks with me.
A woman excitedly approached me asking, “So you never shared the rest of the story. What happened after that last miscarriage?”
My reply? “That’s it. That IS the story.”
I am sure this well-meaning mom hoped to hear that I had finally given birth to a healthy baby after that last miscarriage. I am sure she was searching for “the happy ending” – the “and they lived happily ever after” fairy tale resolution.
But sometimes a story just is. A heartache happens. Years pass. Grief grips hard. Memories repeat and replay.
We seem to think that every tragic story or disappointment will eventually end in roses and rainbows. While God did bless me with four children who are alive and well, I will never ever be the same after walking through the anguish of losing five babies.
The truth is our stories in this life will not always end happily. Jesus promises that here in this world we will have many trials and sorrows, but He also promises that we should take heart because He has overcome the world (John 16:33).
Whatever you have faced – or whatever you are now currently facing – be reminded of this: God WILL rescue you. God will one day redeem what is broken and make it new.
Whether your rescue comes here on this earth and in this time, or later and for all of eternity, God will use it (and is even now using it!) to mold and shape you into the woman He wants you to become.
Pastor Rick Warren says it like this:
God loves to turn crucifixions into resurrections. The things you wish were most removed from your life are often the very things that God is using to shape you and make you into the believer of character He wants you to be… What’s our response? Our response is to look past the pain.
Life is hard. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my babies gone from here but waiting for me in Heaven. But I know that in God’s economy, no tear is wasted; no pain is unseen; no heartache goes unnoticed; no agony is unobserved.
Looking beyond the pain, I can walk with Jesus through afflictions and into the arms of the Father, all the while trusting that the woman I am now is not the same woman I will be at the end of my journey.