I knew I wanted to marry John on our first date. How? Even more than my physical attraction {he was cute}, I was impressed by our conversation. John told me about his growing up years, his time in the Marine Corp, and his hopes for the future. I knew he was someone I could share a life with.
Do you share your life joyfully with your spouse?
Here are 7 ways you can…
- Share memories: Memories give us a glimpse into each other’s past. I understand my husband better because of the memories he shares. He understands me better, too.
- Share dreams: Ask your spouse, “If you could do anything what would it be?” The answer may surprise you. Allow your spouse to dream without thinking about logistics and cost. Pray about how to make those dreams possible … or other similar {smaller} dreams.
- Share hopes: Dreams look outward, but hopes are what’s tucked deep inside. What does your spouse hope for his/her marriage, parenting, job? Ask.
- Share pet-peeves: My husband is bothered by sticky fingers and toys cluttering the living room. And he overlooks a lot of things that drive me crazy. A lot of little annoyances can be avoided if you realize that pet-peeves may not be big issues, but they do matter.
- Share laughs: Laughter can help couples face hard situations with grace. Recently we added two new children to our home (adopting from the foster care system), and sometimes we were so overwhelmed that all we could do was laugh! Laughter helped us overcome a lot of battles together.
- Share prayers: A dozen years ago John and I started praying together in the morning. Those prayers mean so much to me. When I hear my husband’s whispered prayers I face the day with confidence.
- Share a mission: Last week I interviewed Gary Thomas concerning his new book The Sacred Search. This is what he had to say about a shared mission:
“The old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell.
“Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.” Gary Thomas
What is your mission as a couple?
Come up with 3-4 words that answer this statement: “This is what we’re about …”
John and I focus on service, evangelism, hospitality, and making memories. This is who “we” are, and our life and choices reflect that. I’m thankful that I have this man to share my life with.
Now … what about you?
What do you share with your spouse? What is your mission as a couple?
Blessings, Tricia
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Great advice, thanks!
You’re welcome, Jonna!
Unity. Finding unity between parents and prioritizing make it difficult.
Baby steps go a long way! Keep it up, friend!
🙂 Thank you! I’m so thankful we get to wake up each morning and begin with grace and mercy!
Love coming up with a mission as a couple! Will be doing that for sure!
Awesome, Kara!
Keeping the busyness of life from taking away our time to worship, pray, or just spending time with fellow Christians, knowing that is how we grow in the Lord.
Being busy really is a great killer of family connection. So glad you mentioned this!
Having a mission/goal together. Had not thought of it that way. My husband and I need to have a good sit down! 🙂 Thanks for the inspiration.
You are welcome, Britni! Let me know how it goes!
Some great suggestions and a thought provoking quote!
Oh, I know! I used to get so frustrated with “spilled milk.” When I feel the frustration building I try to picture my family 5 years in the future, and I ask … “What will really matter?” Thank you so much for being real! I relate!
It knowing how to do it. Mom didn’t teach us so we are winging it right now.
Cassie, so many of grew up in challenging homes. I’m there with you! I hope you win a copy of Lead Your Family Like Jesus because it’ll help you find direction … which is so much easier than winging it. Hugs to you!
My husband and I had a goal – but we are in a season of feeling like that goal is failing. It seems like as soon as you set a goal to live for and serve God with your lives the enemy jumps right it to make it super difficult!
Erin, that’s so true! Either God is fine-tuning you (making you like pure gold) or redirecting you to a newer, better goal!
My biggest challenge is grace and compassion. They don’t come easily for me, especially with my own family. But I am learning and growing in that area:)
We all struggle with that, Mara! Remember the fruit of the Spirit–grace and compassion–are God working through you. Surrendering works better than striving! Hugs to you!
We strive to “go lower” in serving our family…we try not to gloss over issues, but spend a lot of time in discussion, sometimes tears, forgiveness, prayer and service to others outside our home as well as practicing hospitality as a family bringing others in- the precious Holy Spirit is the empowerment of it all!!
I love that, Becky. Really finding unity in the small things makes a big difference!
We are all about…..Serving each other, holding our children’s hearts, training our children and Worship 🙂
Awesome answer!! I love it!
My biggest challenge is my temper. I feel like I am so short tempered with my children, and even though it’s something I feel like I am constantly working at, I try to always humbly apologize to my kids when I behave poorly. I wish it wasn’t a struggle.
We’ll be perfect in heaven. And I’m so glad! I know God can help you … He’s helped me in this area. Hugs.
Our biggest challenge in our family is outside influences and sheltering our young children (without suffocating them) from the negative factors in the world.
Maureen, I just wrote a blog on the “sheltering” part that will be coming soon. I found that serve the needy side-by-side with your children makes them aware of the world, but in a safe way.
Remembering to be patient… I’d love to be more patient all the time, but sometimes the response comes out too quick, so yes. Patience is my biggest challenge. :o1
Tisha, it happens to all of us. Deep breathing helps … I’m even teaching that to my kids!
The biggest challenges we face, are from “outside” distractions. It can be difficult, sometimes, when there is so much going on, around us.
Once you know what you’re “about” it’s easier to say no. This was so HARD for me, but I’m so much better at this!
The biggest challenge we face is that my husband wasn’t raised in a godly home and just recently came to know Christ. Old, sinful, worldly habits die hard.
Wow, that is a big challenge Kerry, but that’s awesome about his new life in Christ!! Praying for growth in God!
My biggest challenge is trying to practice grace.
That is hard, Amanda. Thank you for sharing!
Great list! I love living joyfully with my bride and all of these are truths we use to live joyfully together. Printing this list as a reminder, though.
My biggest road block is patience. This too will pass….. I need to show more love and grace too but mostly patience!
having patience with the kids and my husband while constantly serving them. That’s the hardest.
My biggest challenge right now is that my husband is not turning his life over to God and struggling with anger/rage management. Instead of being the family’s spiritual leader he is increasingly following the ways of the world.
* A major challenge of leading my family like Jesus is “society” the way it is today. We have to continually guide ourselves and even more importantly our children. Society is going against anything like Jesus. We as adults know right from wrong and we were brought up in a different society, but our children are being brought up in a very corrupt society. So, we are always continuously working so very hard to lead our kids like Jesus.
* Another major challenge is remembering “our purpose” of being here. Not getting misguided by people, things, and life in general.
My biggest challenge is having patience with my family
My biggest challenge is setting the example for my family with my own attitude ~ leading and serving with patience and kindness.
Looking forward to looking over your site! Great giveaway.
My biggest challenge right now is patience because I have been out of work since
Oct, 2012 due to health issues. I suffer from Chronic Daily Basilar Artery Migraines with Vertigo and Aura, which has caused me to not be able to drive since May of 2012. I have to stay in a dark, quiet house most days, which is definitely hard on my family, but it has really taken its toll on me as well. I get short with them sometimes when they get loud, forgetting that I have a bad migraine.
Staying committed even in the toughest circumstances.
Love the idea about making a mission statement with your spouse that
can be summed up in 3 words… Also, I’d say our biggest challenge to leading our family like Jesus is plain selfishness, and especially for me, rebellion against his word to be content as my husbands help meet.
I am a sinner 🙁 It’s so hard to not show my selfish side, to be patient, and to respond lovingly in all situations.
Time…it keep ticking, and we feel rushed. We are trying to be more intentional with making lasting memories as a family.
First of all being a sinner. Second not studing and reading the word daily like I should. Akways doubting myself.
My youngest is 16 and oldest is 24 and married—the teaching never stops
We agreed to look at situations from the outside and find the humor in
it. We laugh a lot. We also agreed that although we would never
willingly hurt the other, we know we are human and it will happen. When
it does we ask the other to forget it ever happened. That is to us the meaning of forgiveness and justification (love keeps no record of wrongs)…it goes on treating you just as though the cruel gaffe never happened.
I love this. That quote from Gary Thomas is fabulous and I love how you shared what makes you and your husband who you are together. I think one of the challenges is being set apart from the world and protecting marriage/family from a culture that doesn’t value them while still serving this world.
The biggest struggle I have is my own sinful nature. Pride, irritation, lack of self-control/laziness, etc. Also I think it’s so, SO hard to try to lead children to Jesus when they’re bombarded with everything “self” outside of our home. However, we aren’t doing our children any favors by sheltering them from everything completely because they all eventually grow up.
I love this! I’m “sharing” this wonderful post all over. I love these tips. It’s great to get reminded about mindfully taking steps to truly share in the important things in life amidst all the hub-bub of our digital lives. Thank you for this sweet guide about sharing.
My problem is lack of patience…
I love “doing life” with my man!
What a blessing your site is!
I struggle with difference in opinion with my spouse. Hard to lead like Jesus when your spouse doesn’t believe.
the biggest challenge is that our children are adults and it’s hard to be an example when we’re not around each other as much as when they were little and lived with us.
This is a great reminder. And praying with my husband has become precious to me.
Staying committed is hard!!
Being patient, offering grace, being an example even when I am worn out . .. are just a few areas of challenge for me.
Hardest thing is to do it every day, for me its being consistent with my relationship with Jesus.
Thank you for these great reminders on how to be intentional in our marriage !
This is great. I think I’m going to love this blog and I really need to work with these with my wife.
The biggest challenge is having the foresight and follow-through to be intentionally counter-cultural. Reminding ourselves we are in this world but not of it; just passing through!
This is great! My husband and i should work on our ‘what we’re about’ statement.
My biggest challenges are lack of patience, consistently disciplining, pride, self-control, and things of this world.
My biggest challenge is being patient!
Love this!
I sometimes struggle to keep calm and controlled when my kids get me so frustrated! It’s so much easier to allow my anger to show itself, but it’s not what I want for my kids.
My biggest challenge is being patient also! And having guilt for being a working mom.
Thank you for this.. We don’t have a “mission statement” and I think we definitely need to be thinking about what ours is!
My biggest challenge is more grace and fun with our kids. I tend to be more strict and not as patient or gracious with them. Jesus captivated people’s hearts by his thought provoking questions and stories and his compassion. My husband has more grace with our kids than I do. We want to reach our kids’ hearts and help nurture our family to have a passionate relationship with God in our home.
Myself, my weaknesses, seeing them in the children. I pray daily for more patience, and kindness.
This is such a good post. I am not married yet but I will be someday and this has already given me a lot to think about 🙂
Learning to respect my husband at ALL times has been my biggest challenge. Once I get this down more consistently I know I will be leading my family like Jesus leads the church.
Fighting my selfish nature and modeling what Christ tells us to.
Great post, Tricia. I knew the first day I met my husband, too, that he was somebody I wanted to spend my life with. We’ve been sharing all seven of the things you list for over 26 years now, and it just gets better and better! Thanks for sharing your wisdom and encouragement. I love this new site!
My biggest challenge is the teenage years. We have one teen now and boy is he different from our littles!
The biggest challenge for me is to keep my eye on the prize and not let the worldly influences change my views about the important issues in my life.
You’d think that being a single mom of 6 would make it hard, but it was harder when I was married to a pretend Christian.
having the energy to discipline consistently
My biggest challenge is being a hypocrite and doing what I disciplined them for. But asking forgiveness in front of my kids is a huge lesson to them too!
To raise our kids to be “in” the world but not “of” the world without making them jaded to the gospel message and Bible.
By enjoying our time as a couple with no children, we get to go and do things that others don’t and we cherish that.