What Man Doesn’t Want That?

What Man Doesn't Want That?

He was a dynamic missionary married to a truly beautiful woman – temperature-inducing, some might say.

And he was definitely “on fire” . . . but not for her.

He had “higher” spiritual priorities. Flying around in a hotshot bush plane, spreading the Gospel with unmatched zeal, he was the envy  of many others with his engaging personality and winning ways.

Then I met his wife. What was wrong with her?

Never smiling, her depressed countenance was a mystery. He seemed like a great guy. Why wasn’t she radiant, fulfilled, and happy?

Sometimes we men are so busy loving God, we’re walking in sin.

But, shouldn’t we be zealous for winning the lost, foreign missions, for youth work, or for the church’s inner-city ministry or . . . ?

No, we shouldn’t . . . not if our zeal for God gets in the way of obedience to what He told us to do.

If I’m the cause of a lack of radiance in my wife, I’m walking in disobedience to God. Papering over that sin with spiritual-sounding exploits might fool the guy in the next aisle on Sunday morning but it won’t impress God, or our wives.

When it comes to marriage, it takes two – both parties are responsible. Yet, when it comes to the contented, radiant, fulfilled life of your own wife, ask yourself a question:

Is my wife the most cherished, fulfilled, loved woman I know?

Better yet, what would your wife honestly say if she was asked, “Do you feel cherished by your husband?”

From a distance, the super-missionary looked like the apostle Paul – bold, zealous, caring, sold out for the Gospel. But his wife was downcast, dull of spirit, lacking joy.

A loved woman just doesn’t look like that.

Misplaced zeal for God had relegated her to a distant secondary status. We can be too spiritual, sometimes. There’s nothing godly or biblical about neglecting the needs and heart of our wife and calling it ‘putting God in 1st place in our lives.’

Putting God in first place means doing what He says.

When it comes to your woman, He’s been pretty specific. Your wife is supposed to hold the same place in your heart as the Bride of Christ, the Church, holds in Jesus Christ’s: Husbands love your wives just like Christ loved the Church – Ephesians 5:25

Oh, yeah, that. We’ve heard it so many times it induces barely a yawn.

But, if my wife’s lack of radiance is due to not being cherished, it’s not just too bad for her, it’s wrong and, I need to change. A Church full of men who love God is a Church full of cherished wives.

If anyone asks your wife, “Are you a cherished woman?” do your part to make sure she can respond with abandon: Absolutely, I wish everyone could enjoy being loved as I am loved!

Chances are, if your wife is cherished, it wouldn’t occur to anyone to ask the question because a cherished woman is as eye-catching as a huge star burning brightly in the night sky.

What Man Doesn’t Want That?

God told us men to get to it.

So let’s get busy!

Is your wife a cherished woman? What are some ways you are loving your wife today? 

Mathew Jacobson




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  1. Wow! This crushed my selfish spirit and opened up my eyes to see the truth to God’s calling for me to “get busy” loving my wife. Like God deserves my praise, my wife deserves my smiles and that fun loving guy she married 21 years ago. Thanks for being direct and to the point here Matt.

  2. I certainly agree husbands are powerful influences in their wives’ lives, and neglect may have been the cause of the wife’s issues, but I have also seen men with a zeal for ministry “marry down” spiritually and an ungodly, immature, self-centered wife might also be wearing that kind of countenance. I speak as a wife who has been there, and I would also challenge the wife to check her spiritual temperature – sometimes men take the fall for things that aren’t their faults – that you are sensitive to men taking responsibility for the cherishing of their wives (I am a cherished one thanks to my guy!) is a blessing to wives! 🙂

    1. Linda, thanks for your perspective on another important issue. Certainly husbands and wives both bear responsibility for their part in the marriage. Within the constraints of space, I am addressing a single issue to Christian men and what God requires of us. Great to hear you are cherished by your guy!

  3. Incredible and poignant post, Matt. I think all of us can get caught up in our zeal for the Lord and forget our spouses. I’m so fortunate to have a husband who gets this balance right most of the time (notice I said, ‘most’). I also struggle with balance, but mine’s a bit different. As a work from home business owner and homeschooler, I find it’s critical that I save energy for my husband when he gets home with those bright smiles and sweet words he bestows on me. I ask G-d for His perfect guidance in this and when I remember to ask, it all comes together. When I don’t, well we all know what happens when we go by our own countenance and desires…

  4. Love this! Obviously, I think there is another side to this, in that sometimes women are looking to their husbands to fulfill a need that only Christ Himself can fulfill. However, there are thousands of blogs addressing the things that women should do for their men and far to few to address the other side. Wives and husbands both have a huge calling to one another, and it’s one we should take very seriously. Love this!

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