• Home
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • RSS

for the family

everyday wisdom for everyday families

  • start here
    • Meet Patrick and Ruth
    • Meet the Contributors
    • Statement of Faith
    • Privacy Policy
    • Contact Us
    • Videos
  • For Better or For Kids
  • You
    • Following God
    • Ministry
    • Relationships
  • Family
    • Marriage
    • Motherhood
    • Fatherhood
    • Parenting
      • Special Needs
      • Babies
      • Toddlers
      • Teens
    • Discipleship
  • Food
  • Shop

For the Family Marriage

Why Too Much Texting Disconnects Couples

Could too much texting be causing disconnect in your marriage? Although its convenient, we must be careful to not allow texting to replace the ritual of real communication. Let's commit to gather to building relationships face to face, not phone to phone!Do you find you text your spouse more than you talk?

Do you send emojis in lieu of real live kisses?

Although texts can certainly be used to strengthen a marriage relationship (and to help your spouse find you in the crowd), too much texting can erode a relationship one character at a time.  When it comes to serious conversations, disagreements, or daily connections, texting alone doesn’t cut it.

A study conducted at Brigham Young University found that being constantly connected through technology can create some disconnects in couples.  You’ve probably experienced this firsthand if you’ve ever been in a restaurant, seated opposite of a texting spouse.

Here are a few highlights of the report:

For women:  Using text messages to apologize, work out differences or make decisions is associated with lower relationship quality

For men:  Too frequent texting is associated with lower relationship quality

For all:  Expressing affection via text enhances the relationship

Many of the couples surveyed don’t just text “Where do u want to go 4 lunch?”  They use texting for relationship maintenance, something that really should happen face to face in daily conversation.

You can send a quick text to apologize if you forgot to bring in the trash can.  But a quick text to apologize if you had a heated argument in the morning won’t fix it.  To really apologize effectively, you’ve got to admit your wrongdoing, attempt to make restitution, repent, and ask for forgiveness.

That’s awfully hard to fit in a text message.  (To learn more about apology, I recommend The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas)

At the end of each day, James and I have a ritual of talking before we go to bed.  I tickle his feet (his love language is physical touch and he loves that, I find it terribly ticklish!).  We talk about our high points and our low points, our work frustrations and joys.  We recount the funny things our kids said.  This ritual connects us.

Lasting connection between couples happens during moments like these strung together over a lifetime.

Meaningful connection does not happen through a string of texts.  Man (and women) cannot live by texts alone.

Texting cannot replace talking in a marriage.  Sure it’s more convenient and you may argue less.  It doesn’t take much effort to bury your head in technology and feign being crazy busy all the time.  It’s much harder to make time for meaningful communication and work through martial issues.

But it is far more rewarding.

If you need to talk to your spouse, don’t just text each other.  The latest technology can’t replace the power of face to face conversation.

So go ahead and text your spouse “I love you” or “Meet me at 5 at the restaurant.”  But save all the other conversations for later.  A marriage relationship isn’t built strong text by text.  It’s built to last on talking, touching, laughing, and apologizing face to face.  Side by side.

Not phone to phone.

Blessings,

Arlene Pellicane

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)


About Arlene Pellicane

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World (co-authored with Gary Chapman), 31 Days to a Happy Husband, and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife.
Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Family Life Today, K-LOVE, The Better Show, The 700 Club, Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah, and TLC’s Home Made Simple.
Arlene earned her BA from Biola University and her Masters in Journalism from Regent University. She lives in San Diego with her husband James and three children.
Visit Arlene at www.ArlenePellicane.com for free family resources including a monthly Happy Home podcast.

« Lessons from a Swimming Pool
For Better or For Kids {a vow to love your spouse with kids in the house} »

Hey there! Thanks so much for stopping by our blog. We are absolutely thrilled you are here! We are a crazy church planting couple who loves Jesus, our four kids and loads of coffee! We are giving God the glory every step of the way and love sharing our journey with you.

Read more about us

Subscribe and receive our free guide to help you get through this season of suffering.

POPULAR POSTS

  • No Bake Coconut Snowballs (GF)
  • How to Build a Christian Home
  • God's Purpose for Your Family
  • Ten Bible Verses to Memorize With Your Kids This Summer
  • Are You Married to a Selfish Spouse?

Categories

Search For the Family

Copyright © 2022 For the Family · Design by Bethany Beams