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5 Ways to Kill Anger


No matter how just your words may be, you ruin everything when you speak with anger.

I struggle with anger. I had no idea that this sin lived in my heart until God gave me a family. I am still having a hard time admitting this because all of my life I prided myself on the fact that I was patient and slow to anger. Turns out my patience and longsuffering were never put to the test until I had a family.

I know I am not the only one who is distraught about the anger that can so regularly bubble to the surface of the heart and then overflow into unkind tone of voices and snippy responses.  For some that slow burn irrupts into an all out fit of rage and yelling. Seneca calls anger “a short fit of madness.”

The worst part about anger is that is does not bring about the righteousness of that we desire (James 1:19) Instead it hurts those who are at the receiving end of our anger, disfigures our character,  breeds hatred and distrusts,tears apart relationships, and worst of all dishonors God.

It ruins everything.

[Anger] devours almost all other good emotions. It deadens the soul. It numbs the heart to joy and gratitude and hope and tenderness and compassion and kindness.
John Piper

But where do we begin and how do we fight?

After repenting we need to figure out what the opposite of anger is. It is NOT patience. The opposite of anger is actually meekness.

Meekness is not a word we use very often. Many believe that meekness means weakness. It doesn’t. It also does not mean, spinelessness or indecisiveness. It does not mean to be polite or timid or even naturally kind and soft spoken.

So what is meekness? Warren Wiersbe has said that meekness is power under control. While that is a good and succinct definition I believe we need to say more about it.

Matthew Henry said meekness is a quietness of spirit that calms our raging and deepens our humility. It is a kind of gentleness and self control even when the heart is hot and that requires strength. A weak person cannot be meek.

Now, there are no quick fixes or fast tips to conquering anger and learning meekness. It is a process. One that demands our time, energy, mind, heart. Here are a few things that will leads us down the path of meekness and away from anger.

1. Study Christ

Meekness is not a quality you can muster up on your own. If you try you will fail within a day, a week or a month. The power you and I need to become meek is found in Christ. I know we all like to do lists, but if we want to grow in the character of meekness we need to know what it looks like and the best way to see meekness in action is to study the life of Jesus who was perfectly meek for us.

Learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart.
Mat. 11:29.

2. Study meekness

Go through the Bible and mark all the verses that talk about meekness, humility, gentleness, kindness and self-control. Study them, know their meaning and ask yourself what is hindering you in living these verses out in your life.

3. Don’t love this World

The world runs on self centeredness and pride. When something or someone gets in the way of these vices anger erupts. It will dethrone God and make us act as if this world should bow before us, feeding our sense of entitlement and fueling our unkind words and tone of voice. (Romans 12:2)

4. Learn to Pause

Most often our anger spews out because we are quick to react to a situation or person without first thinking things through. We must learn to exercise our self control and pause before we speak or act. The advice “think twice before you speak once” is a wise one and we would do well to practice this.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19

5. Focus on the power of Christ

If you try to become meek in your own strength two things will happen. When you succeed you will become proud and when you fail (which will inevitably happen) you will feel despair.  The power we need to become people who are characterized by meekness and who kill anger is a power much greater than our own. We need the crazy power of Christ. A power so strong that it can create worlds and overcome death. Amazingly this power is offered to every Christian, so pray, often, that Christ would use his power to work in you something you cannot do on your own.

The more we understand and seek after meekness the less prone we will be to let anger get the best of us. But this is only something we will learn and grow in as we sit at Jesus feet and let the power of his life and death impact ours.


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  1. Have you ever read “Turn Away Wrath” by Rand Hummel? It’s a really tiny book, but full of great reminders about the effects of our wrath on others around us. I’ve struggled with this as well, and ultimately, when I’m truthful with myself, I admit that my anger is due to a failure to want God’s will in my life. Anger is my “emotional signal” that I am desiring something other than what God has seen fit to ordain. Such a great reminder, friend. Thank you.

    1. I will need to check that book out. Thanks.
      My anger also comes from my selfishness and wanting things to go my way. Ugh. So thankful for Jesus! 🙂

  2. You’ve left out what for me is the most powerful way I kill anger; Prayer!
    Not saying it’s easy, but when I force myself to begin praying for someone who is the source of my anger I find my spirit soften as I begin to think of ways to pray for them. The Spirit uses this to gently refocus my mind and attitude.

  3. Hi Jen, I ran into this piece today. I really appreciate your honesty about your struggle with anger. I discovered this beast of a sin in marriage. Before I said, “I do”, I though I was calm and collected. I’ve been married 4 years with 2 young kids under 4 yo. It’s something I’m working on now but still feel like a failure and feel like I can’t overcome this in my life. I have been praying for years for God to teach me how to live by his Spirit in this area. And trying to rest in Christ as I read the gospels to try to learn from him. Are there any other suggestions you have for me? I appreciate your suggestions and will do them. I enjoyed reading this blog and hope to read others after my discovery of you today. May God bless your work at home and outside of your home.

    1. Yes! Such a concern for me as it looks as if God isn’t granting me the power to overcome my feelings of anger. How do we “pray and do” in this area? I can’t force myself to not be angry but when it doesn’t seem like God is granting me that meekness I’m waiting for…

  4. I understand your struggle. My anger shows me how deep my selfishness lies. I have found that changed happens in me when I understand and focus on who I am in light of who God is, and what I deserve compared to what I have been given.
    Fighting the good fight is hard work, but we don’t fight alone!

  5. This is so very true of myself too! I remember little less than two years ago talking to a coworker about anger. He was asking me if I ever get angry, and I told him no…i just don’t have that struggle. He couldn’t believe me but I was serious…then! Fast forward to today after being married, I realize I do have this struggle big time!! I really thank God for the wisdom you share in this post about dealing with anger. Thank you!

  6. Thanks for writing this article about anger. I find that anger has been and still remains a constant challenge in my life. While I find that my actions usually result in meekness when I experience anger (and at times, intense rage), I am still burdened with the anger even though I am able to respond with meekness in the moment in most cases.

    Any advice on how you can seek God to calm our hearts after we experience intense anger would be helpful and welcomed. So, to be meek in our response to a society that can often lack compassion is only half the battle I find myself fighting when I experience anger, the harder part for me is dealing with the residing anger that I may not have been able to address that I feel continuing to pull down my heart and mind that bothers me. I feel the need to be free from it, but it will not let me go and continues to imprison me from truly living and feeling grace as a result of being meek in my actions toward others.

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