Surviving Valentine’s Day in Your Marriage

Surviving Valentine's Day in Your Marriage

The month of love is almost here! And we have just a few short weeks before Valentine’s Day, a special holiday marked by finding creative and thoughtful ways to share the gift of love.

“Surviving Valentine’s Day” makes me think of an encouraging article of “How-To’s” for singles so they do not feel left out on such a beautiful day of celebration. However, I believe as wives we can also use a little encouragement in this area.

In my first few years of marriage, I had extremely high expectations of over-the-top romantic gestures from my husband on Valentine’s Day. But over the years I have learned that those expectations can lead to huge disappointment in marriage when left unmet. And knowing my husband naturally struggles to find romantic ways of pursuing me, this one day adds more pressure on him making Valentine’s more of a burden than an enjoyable occasion of celebration.

Perhaps you know all too well what I am describing?

Here are a few pointers for wives who need some tips in surviving Valentine’s Day :

– Romantically Pursue your husband! Don’t leave all the pressure of creative planning up to him. If you have specific expectations of how you desire the day to be celebrated, either surprise him or communicate and plan with him to make it a great day that satisfies.

– Look at it like every other day of the year! You are married and every day is an opportunity to express your love for each other. How your husband usually expresses his love for you is most likely what you can look forward to during Valentine’s Day as well. And if he decides to change things up, let the surprise rock your world!

Together you and your husband can choose to boycott the overly advertised Valentine’s Day gift ideas for ones that are very personal and meaningful to you and him.

Avoid social media for that day so you do not get caught up in comparing your marriage and husband to someone else’s based on how others celebrated. This will also help you to keep your phone or computer off while giving your husband some undivided attention.

If you are like me, a wife who can sometimes get frustrated toward her husband on a day of the year that is purposed to celebrate love, then these tips will hopefully help you set your attitude and your heart toward Valentine’s Day before it comes. My desire is that these words encourage you to remember that celebrating Valentine’s Day can and should be a unique experience for you and your husband. I want to warn you not to let your expectations of the special day leave you disappointed or feeling unworthy, especially when your husband does value you!

I know my husband loves me incredibly, and yet so many times I felt hurt because he didn’t fulfill Valentine’s Day like I thought he should have for me. Looking back I see not only was my perspective very selfish, but my hurt feelings left me unable to truly connect with my husband when he did in fact desire to do so.

Take a moment and strip your expectations of Valentine’s Day with your husband so you can do more than just survive it, but all the more so you and your husband can thrive while celebrating your love for each other! 

– Jennifer Smith

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  1. Three years ago, I started a Valentines Day tradition in our family. I printed invitations for my husband and our three kids inviting them to an evening of dinner and dancing followed by early bedtime for the kids and a movie night for my husband and me. When they arrived in our dining room that night, I had the table set with our “fancy” dishes and lots of candles. We enjoyed a simple Italian meal I had fixed. Then we did some dancing and then sent the kids off to bed. It was one of the best Valentines we had ever had. No crowded restaurant. No scrambling to find a babysitter. No stress on my husband trying to make things perfect. It did require a little work on my part but the way I see it, Valentines Day is about love and “love is patient, love is kind…love is not selfish”. We were all disappointed last year when sports schedules prevented us from being able to have our special dinner. Our kids have already started asking, “Can we PLEASE have our Valentine’s dinner THIS year?”. And I think my husband is relieved that he no longer has to transform into a super-romantic one day out of the year because the pressure is off now. 🙂

    1. Sarah ~ That is the best idea – I think I will try to begin a tradition for my family too ! God bless you !

  2. I really needed to hear this. It helps me have a whole new perspective on valentines day. Now I believe we can actually have an awesome day this time. God has been working on me in the area of my husband and how I respond to him and this was another challenge. I know he loves me very much and finds his own ways to show me all year but as you mentioned my expectations were way to high and I was always disappointed instead realising just how much he does love me.

  3. I just LOVE Valentine’s Day and my husband has always made it special for us. I find it disheartening that people find the need to boycott this special day. When I was a young girl and had no boyfriend (when my other friends did), it never bothered me. Likewise when I was single, I never pined over Valentine’s Day and how my married friends were getting all this romantic enjoyment. I knew my day would come. My dad used to send me flowers and so did my brothers when I was single. I loved that they did so, but never felt it necessary.

    Why do women get so uptight about this day that they feel the need to avoid social media and boycott the day just because others are having a wonderful time of it?

    Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed your article and understand where you were going with it, but it (and the many other articles like it that pop up in recent years around this day) seem a tiny bit resentful or something I just can’t put my finger on.


  4. You really help me alot with your article… My husband working overseas and im not sure if he can come back before valentines day, Reading this help me alot.. God bless U always..

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