Look at your shampoo bottle and you’ll see the instructions: “Lather. Rinse. Repeat.”
It’s so predictable. And so boring.
Do you ever feel like your sex life with your husband has become “Lather. Rinse. Repeat”? You do the same things every time. It may feel good, but it’s not sensational. And you’re worried that you’re both just getting bored.
Making love doesn’t have to be that way! Marriage is a decades long journey where you can learn how to have more and more fun in the bedroom–and reap all the benefits that come from sex, too! You’ll feel closer. You’ll relax more. You’ll even sleep better!
So if you want to stop the boring cycle, try these three ways to breathe new life into your marriage:
Engage the Senses
We turn the lights out because it’s night time–but then we start to feel really sleepy as soon as we start kissing. Or we try to be super quiet because of the kids, but then it’s all too easy for sleepiness to slip in, too. And you definitely don’t want to yawn in the middle of–well, you know.
Instead of staring at the ceiling, try engaging more of the senses to perk up your energy! Turn the lights on tonight–and maybe start with some pretty lingerie. Or use a massage candle–a candle in a tin that you light, and when the “wax” melts it makes luxurious oil. Or perhaps turn on some romantic music so that you’re not as worried about the kids hearing what you’re doing.
Change things up to make this more of an event that you savor, rather than a routine that you get through.
Do Something Else Naked
You’re the only one that your husband is allowed to see naked–so let him enjoy it! Get the excitement going by doing an everyday thing in the buff. After the kids go to bed, tell your husband, “I just want to give the living room a quick once over”, and return to the living room with the vacuum–wearing nothing at all.
Or maybe you tell him to cue up a TV show you’re watching together on Netflix while you run to change, and come back wrapped in a blanket. And nothing else. Tell him, “you can touch, but that’s it until the show’s over!”
Have “His” and “Her” Nights
What if he’d really like to spice things up, but his idea of spicy isn’t something you particularly like? Here’s a strategy that works for many couples: Divide the Saturdays in the month into “his nights” and “her nights”. On “his” nights, you can do what he’d like to do. On “her” nights, you call the shots. Maybe you start with a 45 minute back massage!
This way he knows that you care about his preferences, but you also know that he’s not going to ask you for something every time you make love. And you both learn about give and take in the bedroom.
I’m not talking here about doing things you believe are morally wrong, such as watching porn together or participating in domination games. I’m just talking about positions or things that you don’t mind doing, but that aren’t your thing. Gift these to him on “his” nights, and then he can gift you with a wonderful night on “her” nights!
And maybe your marriage will stop feeling routine, and will start feeling exciting again!
Sheila Wray Gregoire blogs everyday at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. She’s the author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex and 31 Days to Great Sex (which makes a great Valentine’s Day gift for your husband!).
Get Sheila’s free download, 36 Ways to Bring Sexy Back to Your Marriage, when you sign up for her FREE monthly marriage newsletter–with lots of tips on making your marriage strong and your sex life sizzle!