Don’t Forget to Date

dont forget to dateMy husband James and I both work out of our home offices so we see each other a lot throughout the day.  He’s a realtor.  I’m an author.  So why in the world would we need to see each other again for date night?  There’s actually a big difference between occupying the same space and intentionally going out to spend time together.  There’s something magical about getting out of your routine and looking forward to an evening out.  You need to be purposeful about creating fun dates together.  They can be as fancy as a five star restaurant or as simple as a coffee date around the corner.

In fact, the next time you’re out for coffee with your husband, here’s something to break you out of your daily grind.  Switch drinks with your spouse.  You can finish it up if you like it, or swap back if you need your regular.  Talk about what it’s like to live life from your spouse’s perspective.  Instead of “walk a mile in my shoes,” think “take a sip of my coffee.”  What challenges is your husband facing?  What made him laugh today?  What’s he looking forward to in the next month?  Make your coffee date more meaningful by connecting with each other in a fresh way.

I love coffee and James loves milk with a little bit of coffee.  We’re two very different people and chances are that’s true of you and your spouse.  We have to put in some effort to enjoy those differences after the “I do.”  Date night helps us remember to court one another.  To see each other’s strengths.  To remember the butterflies in your stomach.  It puts something in your calendar that proclaims, “We are more than joint bill payers!”

Does your husband still make you laugh?  I like this short conversation between two friends:

“Bill’s wife always laughs at his jokes.”

“They must be pretty clever.”

“No – she is.”

Don’t let your husband’s jokes or your date nights grow stale.  Be a wise and happy spouse who is purposeful about dating and making daily connections.  When you get ready for your next date night, have one question in mind:  How can I make my wife smile tonight?  How can I make my husband smile tonight? 

Whether you work side by side or barely see each other during the week, take time to schedule a special date night in the next month.  I love what Dr. David Clarke writes in his book Kiss Me Like You Mean It,

When you go out together on a “date,” it’s not romantic.  It’s not playful.  It’s not a time of fun and laughter.  You’re going through the motions.  It’s a good idea to go out on dates, so that’s what you’re doing.

“We had a nice time,” you say.  A date is not supposed to be a “nice time.”  You have a “nice time” with your mother, or your Aunt Bertha.  A real date with your spouse ought to be fun, stimulating, romantic and sensual.  That’s why you got married!

The activity alone should never be the focus.  The focus is the unpredictable fun, laughter, chemistry, intimacy, and sexual desire you create during the activity…Love is the greatest, and nothing could be more serious.  But the physical and emotional expression of love between lovers is not serious.  Love is fun.  Love is a blast.

Now go have some fun on your date night!  What will you do?


Arlene Pellicane, ArlenePellicane.com

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  1. Looking back decades ago, I’m sitting on the couch in the living room witnessing a doctor
    wrapping a necklace around his wife’s neck over her elegant dress taking time out for
    themselves away from their eight healthy kids to be alone with each other like old times.
    Needless to say, after seeing their kids all grown up leaving their nest, they are still
    together still loving each other like old time.

  2. It’s spring break. My college freshman son chose to stay at his college and hang out with his friends. My high school senior daughter is off on the senior trip with her youth group. My husband and I have been together for three days working on our emptiness strategies! Today we are going out to Lunch and our favorite sidewalk cafe. We heard early on how important it was to continue to work on your marriage relationship. Whenever anyone ask my husband how we have our successful marriage of 22 years, he replies “Don’t ever stop dating your wife”.

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