What Do You See in Your Spouse?

When it comes to most things, we receive more of what we measure, so it's worth considering....Do you see the best in your spouse, or do you focus on the negative? A change in perspective can have a big impact on changing our hearts and our marriages! If you have gone to the same church for any length of time, chances are you’ve noticed something you don’t like.

The music is too loud or not loud enough. 

The pastor is talking about the building program again.

They really need to remodel the bathrooms.

And the list goes on and on.  After all, no church can cater to the preferences of all its members.  That would be an impossible and ridiculous task.

Sadly, it’s so easy to fixate on the negatives and forget all the positives.  I realized this anew when I showed a first time visitor around my church.  I proudly talked about the quality care her kids would receive from the wonderful teachers.  I pointed out the beautiful sanctuary.  I invited her to a Wednesday night group.

She was impressed and encouraged by her first Sunday at the church – and rightfully so!

I came home and told my husband James about my experience of seeing all the positives afresh about our church.

I realized the same rings true in our marriages.

What do you see when you look at your spouse?  Do you ever have thoughts like these?

She’s so demanding.  Doesn’t she understand the pressures I face?   

He’s lazy and passive.  I wish he would get up and do something  

Guess what?  Focusing on those negative aspects and feelings will just bring you more of the same.  You get more of what you measure.

It’s our human nature to have these thoughts.  It doesn’t take any effort.  Negative thinking comes so easily.  That’s why the Bible tells us to be proactive.

Philippians 4:8 says,

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

What does your spouse do well?  What do you love about his or her character?  Take a moment to think about it and you’ll have a chance to share it in a moment.

My husband makes me laugh.  He comes home and greets all of us loudly with hugs and squeezes for the kids and me.  He is a decisive leader in the home who isn’t afraid to call the shots and take any flack from the kids.  He’s tenderhearted, supportive, wise, and considerate.  He even makes a mean breakfast.

When you think about the positives in your spouse as a daily habit, you realize that you are living with a treasure.

What you see is what you get. 

Make a decision to see the positive in your spouse everyday.  Now’s your chance to practice some sincere praise of your beloved.  Tell us what your spouse does well and something you just love about him or her.


Arlene Pellicane

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  1. My husband, still after 13 years of marriage, sends me texts in the middle of the day while I am at work telling me how beautiful I am.

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