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For the Family

Praying Our Way Past Disappointment

Are you struggling with disappointment In your circumstances or in your marriage? It's difficult to offer thanksgiving when gratitude isn't an emotion we feel, but prayer can carry us beyond disappointment and transform our hearts. Here's how to really experience gratitude...

“Did you feed the dog?”

“You bet!”

“Mail the letter?”

“Absolutely!”

“Pick up the milk?”

“Oops.”

“You forgot to buy the milk? What are the kids going to eat for breakfast tomorrow morning?”

When a couple tells me they’ve fallen into frequent quarreling, it’s often because their marriage has become utilitarian: who will pick up the kids, who will pay the bills, who is cooking dinner tonight? In other words, we start using each other instead of appreciating each other, and one missed task trumps every accomplished favor. In such a marriage, it’s only a matter of time until one spouse is disappointed with the other.

Praying positive prayers for your spouse can be a very practical tool to fight this temptation. Find the five or six things your spouse does really well—or even just one or two!—and try to tire God out by thanking him for giving you a mate with those qualities. Follow up your prayers with comments or even cards that thank your spouse personally for who he or she is. If you’re like me, you’ll find that thinking over the things that immediately come to mind will remind you of other qualities or actions long forgotten. Thankfulness breeds thankfulness.

If you’re living on “ultilitarian mode,” it’s tempting to always pray for how you want your spouse to change. But focusing on the negative, even praying only about the negative, can have devastating results.

Remember Philippians 4:8, which is as relevant for marriage as it is for life:

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Be honest: has obsessing over your spouse’s weaknesses ever made them go away? Hasn’t it just made you feel sad, angry, and frustrated?

Make the daily spiritual choice of focusing on qualities for which you feel thankful. Prayers of thankfulness literally form our soul and very effectively groom our affections.

Blessings,

Gary Thomas, GaryThomas.com

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About Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas’ focus is on bringing people closer to Christ and closer to others.   Author of 15 books including Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? and The Sacred Search: What If It’s Not About Who You Marry, but Why?, Gary also holds an MA degree in systematic theology from Regent College and an honorary Doctor of Divinity degree from Western Seminary. As Writer in Residence and a member of the teaching team at Second Baptist Church in Houston, Texas and as an adjunct faculty member at Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon, his ministry integrates Scripture, church history, and time-tested wisdom of the Christian classics into our modern faith experience. Gary speaks all over the world and has made multiple appearances on both Focus on the Family and Family Life Today. An avid runner, Gary has completed 11 marathons, including the Boston Marathon three times. He and his wife Lisa have been married for 28 years, and they have three adult children. You can find Gary at GaryThomas.com.

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