Love Is an Active Verb {and what it isn’t}

Tis the month of red hearts, candles and chocolate, but is that really love … a nice dinner date with flowers? I used to think so. But after being married almost 28 years I know differently.

What is love? My husband shows me all the time.

Love is choosing to watch a sappy chic flick even though you’d rather watch a sci-fi thriller.

Love is winning free airfare tickets to anywhere, and deciding to take your wife to a WWII reunion for her book research.

Love is making Sunday morning pancakes, even when you’d rather sleep in.

Love is taking out the trash, changing the tires and fixing broken fences.

Love is eating tofu for dinner when you really want steak.

Love is letting your wife’s grandmother move in with you and making sure all her needs are taken care of for eighteen years.

Love is an active verb

For me, I’ve shown my love in active ways that aren’t always easy too.

Love is watching a sci-fi thriller when I’d rather watch a chic flick.

Love is letting your husband pick cruise excursions and ending up on a four-wheeler in a Mexican jungle, instead of on the beach.

Love is staying up to finish the laundry, when you’d rather go to bed.

Love is doing the dishes, sweeping the floor, and picking up dirty socks, again and again.

Love is eating chili dogs when you really want a salad.

Love is flirting and cuddling, knowing where it will lead, understanding that you’re the only one who can fill your husband’s needs, even when physical touch isn’t your number one love language.

Years ago, when I first was looking for someone to spend my life with, I was focused on who could love me and fill my needs. As the years passed I’ve learned that marriage isn’t about what I get out of it, but what I give. Love must be an active verb or marriage will never work. I wish more people understood that when they say, “I do.”


What people get wrong about love …

Love is a feeling, and if you don’t have those feelings it’s time to get out.

Love is sweaty palms and a racing heart.

Love means your partner fulfills all your needs.

Love means you’ll never be upset, disappointed or angry.

Love means there will be no need to forgive.


I’ve learned to love better in two ways. First, just by doing it. By loving even when it’s not easy and even when I don’t feel like it.

Second, I’ve learned to love better by drawing closer to God and learning what His love means. The more I read God’s Word, the more I understand love. The more I allow God’s love to fill me, the more love I have to give.

Tis the month of red hearts, candles and chocolate, but it can also be a month of true, active love. Choose three ways to show love this month in a way that your spouse will appreciate. After being married almost 28 years, I know it makes all the difference.


Tricia Goyer, TriciaGoyer.com

Similar Posts