I was trying to eat healthy. Again. It was the last thing I thought about at night, and the first thing I focused on in the morning. All day long, a litany of questions ran through my mind.
Have I exercised enough?
Does this have too many calories?
How can I justify this chocolate?
Most days, instead of feeling healthier and stronger, I felt a deep sense of shame. If only I could try harder, do better, and eat perfectly well. If only I could conquer the hold that food had on me and stop justifying the chocolate. I was aiming for perfection, but failing. Miserably.
Can you relate? Maybe your shame doesn’t come from food. Maybe it comes from your housekeeping habits, your cooking, or your financial situation. Maybe you say things you regret or find yourself arriving perpetually late for everything.
Last week, after a spring break trip to the beach (where I most definitely did not make good food choices), I settled in for a LONG drive home with a new book. The book is called Blameless: Living a Life Free From Shame, and in it, Christy Fitzwater addresses all of the myriad ways that shame can sneak in and undermine our purpose and our freedom.
Christy says that, “shame is that thing you would not want to write into a book chapter and sell to the public.” And yet, that’s exactly what she does. And she does it in a way that makes you laugh out loud.
She calls Blameless her “personal journal of transformation” and discovers after years of shame in many areas of her life that God’s desire for each of us is to live “holy and blameless before Him,” not defeated and failing. (Ephesians 1:4)
I’ve had the privilege of sitting around the table with Christy in real life, of hearing her real, authentic, and hilarious stories. As you read Blameless, you’ll feel like Christy is right there with you, sharing her personal struggles so that you, too, can throw off the shackles of shame and live in blameless freedom.
Today, instead of focusing on my shame, I’m choosing to celebrate the way the Holy Spirit is working in me, little by little. With His help, I really am being purified, my thoughts are being renewed, and I’m ready to tackle the good works that He’s prepared for me.