Learning to Love Your Spouse Through Different Seasons of Life
As we all know, life can change at the drop of a dime. A sudden move, a new baby, a tragic loss, or a job promotion can change our lives in ways that we never anticipate. But even through all the changes, life goes on. However sometimes, as life moves forward, we find ourselves unsure of how to handle our marriage as we enter the newest season.
We have found ourselves facing many changes over the last 15 years of our marriage. Many of them have been monumental: having three children, losing two children, becoming an active duty military family, enduring 5 year-long deployments, moving to many states and a foreign country. Yet through it all, we’ve managed to love one another.
Marriage is not an easy relationship to manage. However, if there are two willing parties, marriage can thrive in the midst of whatever changes life may bring. Although we are unable to control what happens to us on a daily basis, we are able to control our choices and reactions to the circumstances.
Whenever we encounter a new season of life and are tempted to neglect choosing to walk in love with one another, we do our best to complete these steps:
Hold the Tongue
This is something that we’ve learned to do – particularly when emotions are running high as we are attempting to adjust to a new change. This is a very effective way to eliminate cutting one another with ugly words, and it definitely helps with damage control. One scripture we always use to weigh our words is Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (NIV).
When the Time Is Right, Talk About It
After emotions have subsided and you and your spouse are in a place where you can talk to one another without judgment or anger, then do it. It is in this space that you’ll be able to focus on walking in love with one another and positioning yourselves to speak life into your marriage.
Seal the Deal and Pray About It
After we have held our tongues and talked when we are cooled off, we “seal the deal” and pray about it. We will usually choose a scripture that is relevant to what our disagreement was about and pray over the situation agreeing to confess the scripture over our marriage.
Follow Up with One Another
Be sure to check in on one another as often as possible throughout the week. Write a sweet note and leave it by your spouse’s bedside table. Send a text to check in and make sure your spouse is doing all right. Make a phone call when you are able to chat or pray together. The method isn’t what’s important, but the follow up is because it shows your spouse that you are committed no matter what.
These simple steps have worked wonders in our marriage through the good and bad times.
Regardless of how life may change around us, we don’t have to change the way we feel about our spouse. As a matter of fact, the changes life produces can give us the opportunity to grow into a deeper love that only comes through the refinement process.
We pray that you’ll find some practical solutions to the seasons of difficulty you’ll face in marriage. God is faithful!
Michael & Carlie Kercheval
FulfillingYourVows.com
LearningToSpeakLifeBooks.com
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What should a wife do when the husband does not communicate well? I am not able to go to him with stressful things, or resolve issues. He is unable to process and give support. His work is very demanding and I don’t want to add my stress to him, but I don’t have a way to process it. When changes come, there is usually no discussion and I am left to figure it out on my own. I feel like I am always stressed and there is no outlet for either of us. I work hard to love him and support him, but there are times I feel I and going to have a meltdown. And I have had them in the past. I read blogs like this one and I pray about things often. However, I don’t have the benefit of my husband seeing these things or being a part of them. How should I handle things in this case?
I think you and your husband should make time, sit down and discuss about this problem. Let him know how hard you are trying to make this thing work and also the pressures you are facing doing so. So that you and your husband will figure out a way to deal with the pressure and it will not look like it’s you only carrying the burden which will eventually lead to a breakdown or a meltdown as you call it. May God bless you and help your marriage work out fine and let it grow from strength to strength, AMEN.
I remember a pastor at a homeschooling retreat suggest something like this for talking with a husband:
“Honey, there have been some things weighing on me lately that I would like to talk to you about. Can you let me know when a good time would be that we could discuss things a little?”
Then give him a chance to tell you when would be best.
Respect his request to wait til________. This gives him a chance to prepare mentally for whatever you have in mind. He may also ask what about, in which you can give him the subject. This also helps to share the burden, but in a slow, respectful manner, not an unloading or dumping on him, especially if his work is already very burdensome.
Also, though I know much easier said than done, if your husband still will not listen, take these concerns to The Lord and leave them there. Your Heavenly Father loves you and hears you. He has given your (imperfect) husband to you for your good. If you can believe God about that, you can bear m
any things that seem unbearable. Also, your husband may not see the steps that you are taking, but you can be sure that The Lord does. He will use all things, easy and difficult, for his glory and your sanctification , if you will trust in Him.
Be encouraged! Marriage is not always easy, but it was designed by God, so it is always good.
Bless you Gwen.
Xavier’s advice is good, especially with a man who wants to listen and discuss issues. But listen to G-d not man.
Pray, pour out your heart to Poppa first. He is your source, your provider your guide and G-d. Pray scripture over your hubby, specific ones our Father points out to you.
One of the best gifts Poppa has given us thru the years are good godly friends to our marriage. People who really know you both, who love and keep you accountable.
And don’t give up sweet one. He NEEDS you as much as you need him…helpmeet.
Oh, and don’t expect him to be a girlfriend. He is a guy. Boys can be intimate and learn to love as well as girls, but they do it like a guy.
Oh, and don’t worry so much about meltdowns and breakdowns…Both boys and girls do them from time to time. Be kind to yourself and him too. The children are watching they watch you both mature thru the growing pains;)
And hold on to this with a bulldog tenacity-Poppa finishes what He starts.
I am amazed how God sends just the right answer if you wait patiently. I am going to write these suggestions on a note card. Thank you.
Our God is amazing, isn’t He, Victoria? You’re welcome! Bless you dear sister! We are praying for you!
This is what I wish my marriage was…..unfortunately, it takes two to really make this work.
I wish god can make a break through in my husbands life
My marriage is so messed up it’s effecting my child god pleaz make a change in my home