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Why DO Parents Avoid THE Talk?

BySeptember McCarthy

Passion For Purity

I felt like the lone ranger, on a mission to lasso my daughters hearts in one weekend.  I was riding solo, while my husband manned down the fort and kept the rest of the crew “happy” at home with his hidden emergency stash of sugar and field trips to town.

For each of our children, the guys and the gals, we plan a special Purity Weekend , with the wholesome purpose of sharing the changes that their bodies are experiencing and what God has planned for marriage, relationships, and sex.

A-W-K-W-A-R-D.  Not from my mouth, but one of the terms I heard throughout our weekend together.  It was a silly, laughing, light-hearted, deep-conversation weekend for all of us. A memory etched into our hearts forever.  We were open, honest, to-the-point beautiful, and when our weekend was over?  They hugged me tight, thanked me for taking this time, and being so real.

So, why DO the generations consider this taboo?  Avoiding THE talk with their children?  Expecting them to learn, know and get the scoop from a quick encyclopedia lesson or a small sit down talk to see what exactly they do know and we fill in the gaps?

While we parent and focus so much on their hearts, preparing our children for the path they will walk ahead, why would we forsake the seriousness and beautiful plan of growing older, sex in marriage and purity today?

Oh, what a world of difference WE can make by reclaiming this time as OUR gift to them.  Giving them the whole plan, God’s picture and security in trusting our authority and instruction in this area – rather than picking up the terms and tools of the world.

So, why DO parents avoid THE talk?  

Uncomfortable – There is no doubt that some of the things we need to say and explain to our children will be uncomfortable to describe, and their reactions just the same will match the situation.

While looking around the room of our hotel on our Purity Weekend, I saw one daughter pretending to be occupied on her Ipod, one with her jaw on her chest and her big blue eyes gaping at me in shock, and another – listening intently with a lot of questions.

Uncomfortable?  Perhaps.  But, I would much rather broach the subjects now, then have my daughters having to ask someone else, or always and never know what God has designed for each of them for His covenant marriage.

We are the grown-ups now.  Working hard to show our children humility and grace.  This is your chance.

Unsure  – Is there a right way or a wrong way to share with our children?  Perhaps you are unsure about what to tell them, when and what age?

Every family will need to consider these questions and how their family is unique to the answers.  The real answer you might be searching for is, “where do I begin?”  A wholesome, Biblical view of relationships, sex, marriage and purity will give you and your children all you need to begin talking together.

We use this amazing material, and find it to be super helpful while filling in the gaps and giving us a pattern for our weekend. Passport to Purity, has been taken along and used for our first six children, and has taken the “fear” out of the questions, the approach and the topic.

Do you have a Vision for Virtue  for your family?  This is a great time to add this to your “parenting plan,” and prepare your children with understanding, information and conviction.

What a blessing our Purity Weekends have been to each of us.  Our Vision for Virtue has been instilled into the hearts and minds of our children.  You can take a peek here at our special get-away and how we crossed the generational gap of “the talk,” and virtue in our children’s lives.

God has a a beautiful plan, and we are part of it – sharing the vision with your family will create a new generation with a heart for purity.

Blessings,

September, One September Day

Dan and September have been married for 24 years, and are raising their family with a vision to reach the hearts of their children with a bigger Kingdom purpose than themselves.

September has a heart for encouraging women in motherhood.  While home educating her 10 children and keeping her home, she has written an e-book to the heart of women, titled Hula Hoop Girl. Her book encourages women to find their identity in Christ, and to not take on more than He has intended. Her journey through loss and tragedy has taught her to be sensitive to the pain in other’s lives.

September ministers and mentors with discipleships, speaking, and writing. She writes at One September Day, and is a contributing writer for MODsquad, Allume and Mom Heart. Dan and September are Conference founders for Raising Generations Today, a conference in the northeast, with a strong vision for families.

Living the rural life, with barefoot toes, planting seeds, raising chickens, and soaking up the goodness of God’s glory, she finds her favorite place to be is home. Between laundry and life – her heart is to encourage. Connect with September on Facebook and Twitter .

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13 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing the material 🙂 It always helps to have a starting point. We must be intentional about teaching our children these truths. They are counting on us!

    1. Amen Melody! They are counting on us! That sums up this whole post with five words! Blessings to you!

  2. Thank you for these words and recommendations September. It is so hard to know the when, what and where for these discussions, but they are SO vitaly important for us and our children to have.

    1. Your words encourage me always Jess. I know you will have a brood of beautiful children to walk along side and share this with. Blessings!

  3. We LOVE Passport to Purity and cannot recommend it enough! It makes the talk so much easier for parent and child, is completely grounded in God’s truth, and provides an amazing opportunity to bond with your child(ren). My husband and I appreciate this post so much and agree that its SO important that we be the instruments God uses to teach our children about His beautful plan for intimacy, sex, marriage and life. Blessings and gratitude, Kelly

    1. Thank you for sharing here Kelly! It is great to hear that you are loving this material as well. I am sure there are other resources for parents, but, I know you would agree that having courage and gentleness in approaching this with our children is so key. Much love! So great to meet you!

  4. Thanks for the great material…I was just wondering about what age do you do this with your children?

    1. Hi Heather, We begin using this material around 12. We ease into the details at a little older age. Our children are home educated, and so the information we give them is appropriate for their exposure. This might look different for each family. By the time our children are 15, we have covered most everything, and then we spend more time one on one teaching more relational concepts. Thank you for commenting.

  5. I know you will walk beside your children Traci, with boldness and truth as you share this with them while they grow.

  6. Thanks for the resource, September! I absolutely love this post. I learned a lot from our 10 years in youth ministry in regards to this issue- about what we do and don’t want to do. We have already started conversations with our 10 year old daughter, because we too see this as our privilege to train our children. Our girl is in public school, so it has been important for us to share God’s plan and purpose for sex to give her the worldview that she needs.
    But I love the idea of a purity weekend! We need to treat sex and purity with the importance it deserves.

    1. Amen Becky! You are right on – giving this the importance is deserves. Thank you for sharing. I was happy to read of a parent who has their child in public school and prepared the way for their children. I appreciated your comment today! Hugs!

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