5 Reasons You Need to Talk to Your Kids About Sex
Today we are addressing one of the most important things to influence in our children’s lives: Sex.
Growing up neither of our parents talked to us about God’s design for sex. Aside from the fact that we both grew up in non-Christian homes, we still believe if our parents addressed this tender and life-altering subject that our choices in the early stages of adolescence would have been much different. Thankfully, God blessed us both with the gift of salvation well before marriage and as a result have been able to teach our three children about what the Bible says about sex.
With the help of several Christian-based resources, we’ve had “the talk” with each of our children about marital intimacy. Because we began teaching our children about biblical sexuality around the age of 3 (one was 4), they know immediately when something they see or hear doesn’t line up with God’s Word. Our oldest child, now 15, has a beautiful understanding of who she is in Christ and how that directly relates to her choice for sexual purity. And our two young sons (ages 7 and 9) amaze us with their convictions when it comes to turning away from images and inappropriate clothing. We know this is all only possible because we have always openly discussed sex in our Christian home.
Today we are going to talk about 5 reasons you need to talk to your kids about sex.
5 Reasons You Need to Talk to Your Kids About Sex
Because it’s your job.
As parents, God has blessed us with stewarding the lives of our precious children. This means that we are to love, protect, instruct, and pray for them. Outside of Christ, we are their strongest advocates when it comes to life on this earth and so it is our job to teach them all we know. This is particularly true when it comes to matters of purity because without this instruction, they will easily be overcome by the lies this world has to offer about sex.
To help them maintain their purity.
Without understanding God’s design for sex, our children have no reason to remain pure. And it is likely they will make choices that are not only potentially harmful, but also dishonor God in the process. With the increasing usage of technology by children today, their purity can also be lost by exposure to pornography – an increasingly difficult thing to bypass. We have put a system in place that controls our children’s internet usage and filters out any potentially unholy content. And by talking to our children from an early age about sex, it will help make it an easier topic to stay connected about when they are going through adolescence.
Because it’s Holy.
God designed sex between married couples as Holy and sanctifying, not for a moment of pleasure. The same Holy God who designed the institution of a holy marriage created male and female and commanded us to multiply. When our children begin to understand this, it is a life-changing experience for them. A paradigm shift of sorts. The world is screaming about sex from every angle – movies, books, songs, and more – so we have to be sure that we get our children’s attention about this before the world leads them astray.
To teach them proper self-control.
In today’s day and age there seems to be very little self-control, specifically in the area of sexual purity. By starting the sex conversation at an early age with our children, it keeps the lines of communication open throughout their childhood and beyond. This communication allows our children a safe sounding board when they have questions about sex and have the temptation to think of sex in a way that isn’t pleasing to God. So as our children grow and become more curious about sex, by having an understanding of God’s design for sex within the marriage covenant, it will help them maintain self-control in this area.
Because it’s a gift from God.
When your children understand that sex is a gift from God, they will value it with high esteem. We have watched our oldest child with this truth in her heart over the years and watched how she has chosen to conduct herself in a way fitting of the gospel. We are still in the early stages of this with our two youngest sons (ages 7 and 9) but are so glad that we’ve opened up the lines of communication with them as they have many, many questions. They too are learning that sex is a gift from God designed for marriage and want to experience this gift with their wives one day.
We believe that we are the first line of defense when it comes to protecting the innocence and purity of our children. By teaching our children about God’s design for sex, we are not only protecting and equipping our children for what lies ahead, but we are honoring God in the process. And let’s be real, if we don’t teach them, the world will, and that will only lead to a broken heart and spirit within our children.
While we know that our children will inevitably make their own choices, we are giving them a much better chance to remain pure before marriage when we teach them about sex. And that is what we are believing God for! Remember to keep the lines of communication open and don’t make your child feel that any question is “bad” or they may close off and that is not the goal. Trust God to lead you in this area, He is faithful!
Were you the first one to teach your children about sex? Do you face any obstacles in this area?
Mike & Carlie Kercheval
fulfillingyourvows.com
and learningtospeaklife.com
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Amazing article…even for if an adult falls into temptation. It’s easy today for Christian adults to make excuses for lust with gay marriageand transgenderism more prevalent. This may be the “milk of the Word” but I needed to have further understanding as to WHY not to make excuses. I’m staying pure for God but also integrity with whom I minister to now.Thanks for this article!
Do you have books you suggest reading yourself before explaining or books for 11-14 year olds to read?
It was almost totally taboo to speak of “sex” when I was a kid [Im 43] growing up in a christian home, so I thought this would be next to impossible for me to discuss with my own kids. As a Mom of a 9 yr old boy and a 13 yr old girl, I dont like that sex is used for just about everything, everywhere in our world today… yet this has kept sex as a topic of many family discussions simply because this is true! My kids have simply come home and asked me about something they heard at school, or something a classmate talked about. Ive found that it is best to be open, honest and direct, and, also to never shame them for asking about something. Each time Ive been direct and rather simple and straightforward, its always proven to be far easier than I could have imagined.
My 13 yr old has already been faced with temptations in this realm and I can tell you with certainty that it has helped tremendously to keep things open by just talking about it whenever she felt the need to. Dont ask them to “wait til tonight” or “wait til Dad gets home”… because by then, they have googled it, talked to three friends about it, laughed or joked about it, and are no longer hungry for an answer from you that comes with Gods plans in mind. Stay in the moment, and always answer as quickly and decisively as you can in that moment. Once you show them what God tells us in the Bible & they know His word, the worldly views out there are much easier for them to navigate.
My daughter now just answers her friends as simply as I explained things to her. Gods design for sex is NOT for children nor teenagers, but married couples who have committed their lives to one another and to God and are more prepared to handle anything that might happen afterwards. Its good to know that she can share a Biblical point of view with all of her friends when they ask!!! You wouldnt believe how many kids refuse to ask their parents because either they did once and were shamed for it, or they are afraid to get into trouble.
This is a great article. Next month I am taking my 12-year-old on a “Passport to Purity” weekend. I have always talked openly with her, but this weekend, we will get very deep into God’s design. When we are done with our weekend, my husband, her dad will take her out to give a man’s perspective. It’s a rough world out there, and we pray that we are helping her to lean on God to by-pass temptation.