The babysitter shows up. You kiss the kids goodnight, flee to the minivan and drive into the sunset—or at least to the nearest Olive Garden. Halfway through the salad and breadsticks you realize you’ve been talking about the kids for the last twenty minutes, and that’s when it hits you.
You have nothing else to talk about.
Discussing the kids on date night isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Your children are a cherished common interest, after all, and sometimes you need to hash out parenting questions and conflicts when the kids aren’t around.
But if that’s all you can find to talk about, it’s time to expand your repertoire.
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. (Ephesians 5:31–32)
Marriage is meant to be a microcosm of the church’s relationship to Jesus. The key to any strong relationship is communication. With Jesus, that means prayer and studying scripture. With a spouse, it means digging beneath the surface of “how was your day” and “Johnny has a field trip tomorrow” until you see the heart underneath.
Try these date night conversation starters for married couples.
1. What do you daydream about?
2. Where do you want to live after we retire?
3. What stresses you out lately?
4. What are your goals for the next year?
5. How can I help you reach them?
6. If you could choose your own name, what would it be? Why?
7. What was your favorite movie when you were a kid?
8. What are your biggest fears?
9. What was your proudest moment?
10. If you could have one super power, what would it be?
11. When you get to heaven, what one question do you want to ask God?
12. What are your favorite memories from childhood?
13. What is the sweetest thing I ever did for you?
14. Describe your dream vacation.
15. What were your favorite TV shows as a kid?
16. Who is your hero?
17. What do you think God looks like?
18. Do you think you’re an optimist or a pessimist, and why?
19. What is your favorite memory from our wedding day?
20. What do you pray about?
My hope is that these questions will lead to more questions and meaningful conversation so that by the end of the evening you and your spouse will leave the dinner table knowing each other more intimately than when you sat down. And hey, what’s the rush? Order dessert. Grab an extra cup of coffee. Keep the conversation rolling as long as you can. The kids won’t mind. On the contrary—they need your strong connection as much as you do.